LOST: a Dragon Age parody
by Aleesh87
Summary: I thought it would be a little funny to make a fanfic of dragon age kind of mimicking the last three episodes of Lost... set 3 years after the game ends... if you arent a lost fanatic this probably wont make any sense at all :p
1. The Variable

okay so i cant make it exactly true to Lost because it wouldnt make sense in the context, but i thought it would be fun to rewrite the last few episodes of Lost in Dragon Age style... and i know the first part dialouge isnt perfect maybe i'll correct it later if i come across it, i didnt want this to be perfect i wanted it to be fun (but hey if you know what they say word for word feel free to message me and i'll fix it)

and i dont own Lost or Dragon Age: Origins

* * *

Previously, on Dragon Age: Origins:

"_I knew I didn't deserve to be happy, I just didn't think you thought so too." _Alistair growled, his face hardening.

"_If you're going to leave, then go..." _Elissa rolled her eyes at him, in front of everyone at the landsmeet.

"_I'm going, I mean it! I never wanted to be King but I see its what has to be done."_

"_Aren't you going to marry Anora?"_ Elissa wouldn't look him in the face and could barely say _her_ name.

"_Yes fine if it's what you want! I'll marry her but I'm still leaving."_

***

"_I never thanked you properly from freeing me from the Crows, have I? So, thanks."_ Zevran smiled uneasily.

"_You're welcome"_ Elissa smiled back

"_In the Crows, there are no friends. I guess I don't know how to react now that we're friends."_ Zevran wouldn't look Elissa in the eye.

"_I thought we were... more than friends..."_ Elissa chuckled nervously.

"_I was hoping you would say that..."_

_***_

Loghain ran toward the Archdemon with resolve as he grabbed a greatsword that was sticking out of a hurlock and slid under the Archdemon's throat, stabbing deep into the raw flesh of the dragon, and slid, dragging the greatsword with him. The dragon let out a mighty roar, and collapsed. _Maker..._ hissed Loghain, before he collapsed with him. A white light shot straight up, and then everything was gone.

* * *

"Your Majesty!" Came a call from behind the door, with an urgency that Alistair and Anora couldn't ignore. Anora threw on her robe and got to the door first, with Alistair right behind her.

"What is it, Ser Knight?" Anora asked calmly

"We're under att..." was all he got out before a carefully aimed arrow got him in the throat.

"Alistair!" Anora cried out, turning to her husband to see him almost fully in his armor suit.

"Shut the door Anora!" he yelled

"B-but..."

"SHUT THE DOOR!"

Anora shut the door and crumpled into a ball, sobbing.

"Anora... sweetheart... I need you to be calm... We will make it out as long as you follow me very closely. Put on your armor quickly." Alistair tilted her head up to make her look at him, and she nodded.

As soon as she was finished, the pair bolted out the door, and Alistair took on the four men standing in the hallway with a finesse that Anora had never known he had in him.

"They're Orlesian! Those traitors!" Anora screamed, and Alistair shoved his hand over her mouth

"You want them all to find us?" He hissed

"No need, Your Majesty" came a voice from further down the hallway. A young man with a horrible mustache stepped into the light and bowed, before smiling the most devious smile Alistair had seen. "We already have. Men! Seize them!" A whole army, it seemed, came out of every room in the hallway Alistair did his best to cut them down but in the end he was overpowered. The men tied them up and dragged them down the hallway and out of the castle.

"You traitors! You will never get away with this! I will see you all personally hung at the..." The blunt end of a dagger was brought down across Anora's face as she screamed, and then it was silent except for the marching of feet. In the courtyard, the King and Queen were shoved into a large horse drawn wagon.

"Take them." The man with the mustache sneered, and the wagon took off.

"Why are they doing this?" Anora cried

"I... I don't know. But they didn't kill us on the spot which leads me to believe that they have bigger things in store for us..."

"I love you" she whispered

"I love you too..." Alistair sighed, wondering just what those 'bigger things' might be. A few minutes later the wagon came to a halt.

"Take the Warden too!" an exasperated cry came out from outside the wagon "she's more trouble than she's worth." Elissa was pushed into the wagon, and an Orelisian warrior came in behind her, tying her arms around the wooden frame so that she couldn't escape.

"Hello..." Elissa said, her eyes staring at the ground. She was more ravaged than when Alistair had seen her last, at his coronation. Her face, although still beautiful, was more tired, more withdrawn, and no longer full of life. The fire Alistair once saw in her eyes seemed to be extinguished. The wagon took off again and it was silent for what seemed like an eternity

"Do you know where we're going? What's going to happen to us?" Anora gasped, breaking the silence

"We have to escape." Elissa said stoically, still not looking at anyone.

"I'm not going anywhere." Alistair shook his head "No, I'm done."

Elissa looked up at him, the fire coming back into her eyes "Zevran has a bomb, Morrigan told him that it's going to set us back in the past, before the Blight, so that the Blight doesn't have to happen, and he believes it, but I think he's just going to blow up all of Denerim..."

Alistair shook his head "I said I'm not going anywhere, Grey Warden, you are here to..."

"I am here to save Ferelden! Did you not hear me, Zevran is trying to get _your_ people killed!" Elissa yelled

"Then let him! Let him blow all the Orlesian's out of here, we will be long gone! And what do you-"

"She's right. These are our people, we can't just leave them. We have to escape." Anora spoke, interrupting her husband.

"She... no, she isn't! Think this through Anora, we escape and then what? We get caught again and we really will be dead! We are no good to our people if we're dead! And just how do you think we're going to escape? Our hands and feet are tied and she's tied to a frame! It's just not..."

"Never underestimate a girl in a tight spot..." Elissa smiled, sliding down the frame as far as her constraints would allow her, and sat cross legged.. She flicked her foot and out came a small dagger, which she caught in her hands with the blade facing toward the rope. Slowly at first, then with more momentum as her wrists became looser, she sawed away at the rope.

"Where did you learn that?" Alistair asked, looking genuinely in awe

"Antiva..." Elissa smirked, as she loosened Anora's ropes

"I bet..." Alistair's awe turned into disgust, and his former love could hear it in his voice.

"Anora, you call for the driver, feign some illness or another. I will pretend my arms are still bound to the frame, and then I'll knock him out." Elissa hardened, ready to delegate.

Anora nodded at her request, and then called out "Driver! Driver help he started coughing out blood! He's badly injured help!" The wagon stopped, and they all bit their lips as they heard him walking toward the back on the wagon.

"What's going on back here?" He barked at them, not stepping into the bed of the wagon.

"My husband! He's sick, he's..." Anora didn't get a chance to say the rest, because the small dagger somehow found itself deep in the mans throat. "Wow I didn't see that coming..." Anora gagged.

"Quick! Move!" Elissa hissed, undoing the rest of Anora's ropes and then working on Alistairs. When they emerged they found themselves on the road a small ways out of Denerim. There were thick woods on both sides, and they ducked into one of them and started running.

"I think we're past the eastern wall of Denerim.." Alistair stopped, gasping for breath. It's been awhile since he's had to run in full plate armor and his lungs couldn't take it.

Elissa raised an amused eyebrow at him. "The suns over there, its past the western wall."

"Oh, and you have a compass?" Alistair smirked

"No, do you?" Elissa stiffled a giggle, and then looked at Anora

"Why is Zevran doing this?" Alistair asked, trying to make the moment less awkward.

"Does it matter? He's going to blow us all up! We just need to-"

"Son of a bitch..." came the voice behind her. Elissa turned around to see Oghren and Felsi.

"Oghren! Felsi!" Elissa's eyes widened in excitement.

"Well if it isn't the Warden! Stay for a beer, will ya!" Oghren laughed.

"No, you have to get out of here. Zevran, he has a bomb, he's going to blow up half of Ferelden, we need to-" Elissa started

"Haven't you humans been trying to kill each other off since the beginning of time? It's always something with you guys!" Felsi spoke up.

"B-but you're going to die!"

"As long as we have each other, I'm okay with that." Oghren nodded, and grabbed Felsi's hand.

Anora smiled at the sentiment, and looked at her husband softly, only to find that he was looking at Elissa in the same way. _Thank the Maker she isn't looking back at him_ Anora thought. Her heart broke, but she hardened her face with resolve and spoke "Look, we need to get going. Can you point us in the direction of Denerim?"

"Yes..." Oghren nodded, pointing in the general direction.

"Thank you." Anora still had an air of regality, despite the hole in her chest.

"How about that beer?" Oghren asked

"Maybe some other time..." Anora looked down her nose at the dwarf, and the three started moving for Denerim.


	2. Live Together, Die Alone

this brings us to the end of Lost... well the 1977 version anyway... in case you werent sure, the Orlesians are the Dharma Initiative, Elissa is Kate, Zevran is Jack, Alistair is Sawyer, and Anora is Juliette, Felsi and Oghren are Rose and Bernard... and Morrigan is an evil Daniel Farrady lol

* * *

"And you are sure this will work?" Zevran asked Morrigan

"Positive" was her reply. The two were on the outskirts of the woods, facing the walls of Denerim.

"So I just throw it from something very high and it will detonate?" Zevran wasn't even quite listening to her, he was looking at the bomb, which looked nothing like he's ever seen before, at least not in Antiva.

"Yes, it will detonate on impact, but you must drop it from a high point." Morrigan was smirking at him as he examined the bomb.

"What sort of magic is this?" Zevran furrowed his brows and looked up at the swamp witch.

Morrigan looked quite amused at this sudden question "A very powerful magic. The time for questions is over now, we must hurry before it's too late."

"I can't let you do that" stated Elissa, as she, Alistair, and Anora walked past the last of the trees before the walls of Denerim.

"Why, when it will stop the Blight from ever happening, and you will all wake up three years ago safe and sound." Morrigan smiled

"Don't you talk to me of this, bitch!" Elissa hissed, eyeing Morrigan like the wolf eyes the rabbit "I know what you really want and I will not let you have it!" She grabbed her by the shirt, pulling the mage toward her and punching her in the face before getting shocked with a blast of lightening.

"You're a fool. Tis not what I want. You know nothing of what I want."

"Zevran, let's talk about this..." Alistair groaned, wanting to get as far away from this mess as possible.

"Fine, speak." Zevran stated, aloof.

"In private..." The King demanded, before leading Zevran away. Once they got to a safe distance, Alistair sat on a log, motioning Zevran to join him. "Just what did you fuck up so badly that you have to change it?"

"I had her!" Zevran yelled furiously "I had her and then I lost her."

"Elissa? Well she's right fucking there on the other side of those trees! Go get her!" Alistair yelled back, and was silenced by a well placed jab to the jaw.

"You want this bomb? Fine. Fight me for it." Zevran slid into a sweep, taking Alistair to the floor. Alistair tried to stand up, but was kicked in the face by a fine Antivan leather shoe. Alistair grabbed the assassin by the foot and flipped him over, then got on top of him and punched him in the face repeatedly.

"This is my city! You can't just come here with a bomb and think it will be okay!"

"Stop!" Anora screamed. "Stop this." Alistair got off the rogue and watched as he hobbled away.

"It's madness Anora! We need to stop it!" Alistair stood up, shaking his head.

"No, it's not. Let Zevran do his job" Anora said coldly

"Are you crazy now? Is it catching?" Alistair gasped, dumbfounded.

"I saw you look at her." Anora stared him straight in the eyes, unrelenting.

"I don't care who I was looking at, I'm with you!" Alistair stared straight back.

"And you would stay with me forever, and I will always love you for that." The Queen brought her hand to her forehead and looked down.

"Why are you doing this?" Alistair was hopelessly confused, he had known all women were crazy and confusing, but never like this.

"I love you, Alistair, but we just weren't meant to be together..." Anora put her hands on her hips and shook her head, trying to will the tears not to fall.

"What are you trying to say?"

"If I never met you, I would never have to lose you." Anora asserted, before turning back to the others, leaving a dumbfounded Alistair behind.

"So, have we reached a consensus?" Morrigan chuckled as Alistair and Anora came back.

"We're doing it." Anora replied cooly

"We... we're what? Are you all fucking insane!" Elissa screamed

"Darling..." Zevran started

"No! You don't get to 'darling' me! This is fucking insane. I can't. I wont." Elissa looked at all their faces, lingering when she got to Alistair's. "You... you're for this? You think this is a good idea?" Elissa watched him intently.

"Live together, die alone." Alistair said reflectively.

"Live together, die alone..." Elissa repeated "Okay, fine. Then lets get this over with."

Zevran held the bomb close to him as he approached the stone wall keeping them from the Chantry well. There were a few Orlesian guards pacing about, but nothing that couldn't be taken care of. Swiftly he dropped down, landing deftly on a guards shoulders and breaking his neck. Morrigan climbed over next, freezing the last two in place before she even landed. A swift stonefist shattered them, as Alistair, Anora and Elissa made their way over. More guards could be heard closer to where the marketplace was, but that wasn't Zevran's main concern at the moment. Silently, he and Morrigan made their way over to the well, and then motioned for the rest to do the same.

"No, you go right ahead and drop that bomb. I will wait right here and wake up in my bed three years in the past." Elissa rolled her eyes as she watched Alistair and Anora glance down into the well.

Zevran handed the bomb over to Morrigan and made his way to Elissa and grabbed her hands. "My love, if you don't want to do this..."

"Just do it." Elissa practically spat at him, tearing her hands from his "And don't touch me."

The elf shook his head at her and made his way back to the well. "Here's to waking up in Antiva, with Antivan wine, women and shoes." They all looked into the well as he tossed the bomb, waiting to hear it drop. _Plop._

"You said this would work!" Zevran growled at Morrigan, his hands on his daggers.

"I... it should!" Morrigan cried out desperately. "Maybe this wasn't high enough?"

"Well I'm definitely not in Weisshaupt..." Alistair rolled his eyes

Footsteps were heard, a lot of them, and growing ever closer. Zevran's eyes widened as this could only mean one thing. "Son of a bitch..." he muttered, and did a double take as he saw Anora about to hurdle over the well.

Alistair grabbed her hand seconds before she jumped, and held onto her hanging. "What are you doing!" he yelled over the roar of the footsteps storming the city.

"I'm going to detonate it!" she screamed.

"Don't you DARE let go!" Alistair growled, trying to pull her up.

"I love you so much, Alistair..." Anora said as she let go, and at the bottom, bruised and barely alive, picked up a rock and hit the bomb eight times, not seeing the scared shitless looks of her companions as the roar got ever louder. And then it all faded to white.


End file.
